Jo, a wonderful woman from work is leaving. She is stunning to look at, well not exactly stunning, but she possesses that rare quality in people, she is ‘self possessed’. She owns herself and she is confident with herself, her body, her abilities –importantly she avoids arrogance through that confidence. She knows her team, she knows her abilities, she is neither better than they are or less able than they are she just is.
It helps that she is ‘easy on the eye’ she has a sexy 1940’s dress style with ‘Goth’ overtones. She looks good, but she does not look down on anyone, she sees them as people, she sees where she can help and she does.
Though self-possessed she is aware of other people, their situations, their holidays , their family and their pressure points and she manages accordingly, not trying to perfect them, but trying to help them perfect themselves.
She is an amazing woman.
Today I woke up and put something on Facebook along the lines that “I am really fortunate, I have travelled to amazing places and I have friends but without my partner these things are distractions.” Then came the comment “where is the sick bucket”.
After my initial anger that we can easily put people down on Facebook, criticise and moan, I came to realise that we are victims of our own insecurities, that without being able to love ourselves and accept ourselves as we are – without weaknesses and contradictions – we are unable to love others. We are unable to love others because we fear that we are inadequate, for so many that inadequacy is masked by arrogance, by the need to belittle, to ‘look better’ than others.
We are ourselves, and even though I am resisting the urge to rush to the CD rack and put on Gloria Gaynor 80’s hit ‘I Am What I Am’ – at some level I am my own special creation. I do battle with my insecurities, we all do if we are really honest, but I am feeling special, no not special, feeling OK about myself.
It is a rare ability to make someone feel that they are OK, and we all have to work at it, but we all need that assurance that we are ‘OK’, that we can ‘strip off’ and not unconsciously hide our ‘flabby bits’ that the ‘flabby bits’ are as much as who we are as is our smile.
Jo is leaving, and she has taught me a lesson, she has taught me not by instruction but by observation, and I am little better.